“Chhodo kal ki baatein, kal ki baat puraani………
Naye daur mein likheinge mil kar nayi kahaani…..”
(Let’s leave old beliefs and write new stories with a fresh start)
Let’s switch to the MAGICAL way of parenting called Positive Parenting.
What makes it magical??? Because it’s going to give you and your family tons of happiness and strong loving bond.
What is positive parenting and why do we need to be a positive parent?
Have you ever felt bad after scolding or hitting your kid? Has it ever come to your mind that there should be happiness in raising my kids? There should be some way that all of us are happy and understand each other and listen to each other.
If you are determined for this, then please join me in my journey of becoming a positive parent. I am not an expert in this area. Just a mother who follows her heart instead of listening to age old parenting advice. I have learned a lot by reading books and various parenting articles from experts in this area. It has benefited me and my daughter beyond words.
Positive parenting has 4 pillars:
Attachment or Connection
This is the heart of positive parenting. The more connected we are to our kids, the more we will understand each other and listen to each other. Strong connection is built through many ways. One of the most effective ways is play. Play with kids for as little as 10 minutes with undivided attention. Put away your cell phones or TV or office work. That time has to be exclusively for kids. Let your little one be the leader. Forget you are a mother. Become a kid and follow your kid. She will be so happy, plus you are building leadership qualities in your child.
All of us have learned that kids need to respect adults. If I say kids also deserve the same respect from adults, I know many amongst us would disagree. Respect is not a privilege that we give to our kids, its a need. You will get what you give. Most parents complain about their kids being disrespectful to them or to other adults. Start talking to your kids with respect, and you will be amazed to see the way they will talk to you and others.
When kids disrespect us, we feel bad… Right. The same way kids also feel bad when we talk with them disrespectfully. They also need respect. But it does not mean that we will not teach them good things. Rebecca Eanes in her book ‘newbie’s guide to positive parenting’ says that kids want us to guide them. But our guidance should not hurt them. Empathy means we need to look beyond the behavior of our kids and see the need. For example, many of us get angry when our kids show tantrums. But we rarely think the reason behind that tantrum. She might be hungry, tired or want love (connection). Sometimes there are other reasons too which might sound unreasonable if we see as an adult. But if we see those reasons as a child, then our anger will fade away. For example, if our kid wants a toy and cries for that, we will definitely be angry as a mother due to the tantrum. Remember how much we used to love toys when we were kids. They are doing the same… Right. In this situation, the foremost requirement is to calm yourself first. Then calm down your kid and don’t scold her. When she has calmed down, teach her the right behaviour in a polite tone.
Discipline, as all of us believe, is punishing our children so that wrong behaviour is not repeated. But in fact, discipline means to teach our kids how to correct their mistakes. Our motive is to teach them the right behaviour, and not to make them suffer. When they are punished, they rarely understand their mistake and how to correct it to avoid it in future. That’s why the same mistakes repeat. And they get punished again and again. Instead, build strong connection with them and communicate with them politely to teach them right behaviour.
“GUIDE THROUGH LOVE”