Few days ago, I was on my way to pick up my 4 years’ old daughter from school. Suddenly I heard rude voices of somebody. When I looked, she was a mom shouting at her 5 years’ old daughter. I overheard her “I won’t let you do …….. (something) for a LIFETIME.” I was really shocked. Along with the mom was standing a teacher whom I have seen complaining every other day about one or the other kid. I wondered whether this little girl knew the meaning of “a lifetime”??
I looked at the little girl, whose face was, as if, she has lost everything. Then I looked at her mom’s face. I felt as if she has lost all her sanity in the complaints of that teacher.
The BIG question is: WHY DO WE YELL?
Most parents have these reasons:
1. Kids don’t listen unless we shout at them.
2. Our parents yelled at us, so that we can behave in a better manner. We are just following our parents.
3. Our elders told us that we need to keep kids in control. And we can do so only by methods like yelling and hitting.
4. We feel helpless and don’t find any better way to make them understand.
All these age old beliefs are ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
1. Kids really don’t listen even when we shout at them. Their mind doesn’t grab anything when we are shouting at them. They are finding ways to escape. From here comes what we call “shifting the burden”. Kids learn to put their mistakes on someone else’s shoulders, and never learn to take responsibility of their mistakes. Because they know if they will admit their mistake, their parents are not going to sit with them and make them learn how to correct their mistake. Rather, parents will hit or shout or give punishments (age old practices).
2. Recent studies have shown that yelling is equally harmful for kids as hitting. This research was not known to our parents. They did what was best known to them. We have better ways.
3. Why control our kids?? They are human beings with feelings and self esteem, just as we have. We want our kids to become confident and responsible adults. But how will they feel confident when we don’t let them take their small decisions, because we think we can take better decisions for them. Think…
4. Why do we feel helpless?? Because we have never learnt to take few seconds’ pause when our kids are misbehaving or crying. Believe me, it has amazing powers. When you will take few seconds’ pause, you can talk to yourself and recall that my kids love me, and they need love at this moment. They are misbehaving or crying because they are feeling uncomfortable for some reason unknown to me. Let me calm down, and give them love so that the real reason come out.
Dear Parents, your house is not a battle ground. GUIDE THROUGH LOVE, even if you have to do it several times. Slowly your guidance will be shown in their behaviour. And there will be much more calmness and love in your house. Don’t blame children. We, as parents, are the ones who have to change our mindsets. Start with small steps…..