Few days back, I met a lady in park. When I told her that I write blogs on parenting, she started telling me about her 3 years’ old grand daughter. She said that the little girl has become very aggressive and throw things even when repeatedly told not to. She said that she stays with her mom and a maid at home. I asked her whether her mom plays with her. She didn’t reply. Then I asked her what do you do when the girl shows such behaviour. She said we scold her and sometimes her mom hits her too. She defended herself by saying that she is completely against hitting.
Then I told her about positive parenting and asked her to do the following for some days and see the changes in the girl:
1. Ask her mom to play with her for at least 10 minutes in a day and during that time, leave aside any distraction like TV or mobile. Play is like a therapy for mom child relationship. It builds connection and trust. We all know that mothers like their kids. But the real question is do all kids like their mothers? And trust them.
2. Mom should learn to manage her emotions. Kids are like mirrors. The way we talk to them is going to come back to us. Learn to be calm when faced with stress or frustration or tiredness. There are many ways to be calm like deep breathing or repeating a mantra (like everything is fine, there is no emergency).
3. Please don’t scold the kid when she misbehaves. Every behaviour is a sign of something hidden. And for mothers to know what is hidden behind misbehaviour, a strong connection is required. Look for reasons of her misbehaviour. She might be hungry or tired or ill or she really needs love from her mom. She doesn’t know how to tell the real reason because her mind is still under developed. That’s why she shows tantrums. Mom! please hold her in your arms and let her calm down with your love. Love is so much powerful. Let her know that you are with her in her difficult time. To this, grandmother’s eyes were raised in disagreement. “Aise toh wo aur bigad jayegi. Usko lagega ki hum uske aise behaviour ko support karte hain”. To this, I explained to her that whatever way you will go, it will increase. If you resort to scolding and hitting, it will increase with time. If you will choose love and connection, then it will increase. Also scolding and hitting will ruin her self esteem as she grows up. I know all that conversation was in vain because I could see on her face that she was not convinced. Friends!! Let’s give positive parenting a try in your home. I have seen the positive impact in my home. Guide your kids with love and connection, and you will get independent and confident best friends for life.