Aarav is a 4 year old boy who has just started his primary school. One fine day, his mom got a complaint from teacher that Aarav hit another boy in his class.
Mom’s reaction 1:
When they came home, Mom screamed at Aarav because he had a history of hitting kids in pre-school too. “How many times do I have to tell you not to hit others? You don’t listen, you are a very naught boy. You will get punishment for this, no cricket for next 2 days, and no TV or mobile. Now you will understand.”
Aarav’s reaction 1:
He will get further disappointed after hitting episode of school due to mom’s anger. Plus, he won’t be able to play his favourite sport for big 2 days. That’s too much for him.
Mom’s reaction 2:
When they came home, Mom gave food to Aarav. When he finished his food, Mom held him in her lap, and gently asked him to tell the whole story. Aarav told that he and his friend wanted the same toy, and his friend was not giving him the toy. So, he hit him. He wanted the toy.
Mom says “I understand that you wanted the toy (empathy), I also loved toys when I was a kid. But hitting him is absolutely wrong. How would you have felt if he had hit you?”. Aarav replies “I would have cried and asked for help from Ma’am.” Mom says “Exactly, that’s how your friend felt… Let’s promise that no matter what happens, you are not going to hit anyone in future. Say sorry to your friend tomorrow.”
Aarav’s reaction 2:
He felt that Mom understood her even though he did wrong. And he will remember what Mom said. He will say sorry for his mistake.
Punishments are not a solution for any problem. In reaction 1, did Aarav learn how to correct his mistake? No…
We need to raise our kids in a manner that they understand their mistakes, and we have to help them to learn to correct their mistakes. It doesn’t matter how many times we have to GUIDE THROUGH LOVE, sooner or later our guidance will settle in their minds and will start coming into their behaviour. And kids raised through gentle guidance will then guide other kids the right way.