My first blog post on yelling with title “Parents!! Stop Yelling and Start Understanding” received a lot of comments where many moms disagreed with me that it is not possible to stop yelling.
I replied to each query, stating that it is possible to lessen yelling with small steps.
So here I am, with my suggestions that I have applied with my little daughter, and now I yell rarely.
1. Health: I know it’s easy to say but difficult to take care of self, when we have kids to look after. But yes, there’s a way. I always pour milk in my glass too when I am pouring it for my daughter. I cut one fruit for myself when I do it for her. I put 2 bananas when we leave for her skating classes. I take her to park early morning with me where we get fresh air and her sleep goes away too. So, I don’t have to take out extra time for myself, which is impossible. We can get innovative to combine our healthy food along with theirs. I believe that when I am happy and healthy, I am aware of my actions and I keep a check on my yelling.
2. Limiting screen time: When our kids are in bed, it’s time for us to see whatsapp, facebook, TV etc. We are so exhausted in our role as a mom for the whole day, that we really enjoy this free time. My personal experience is that more screen time at night leaves me all the more tired, and I get up exhausted next morning too. Also, I have stopped seeing my mobile first thing in the morning. Green tea and 10 minutes breathing yoga works wonders, if you can try.
3. Limiting the negative activities: I remember a chat with a lady once, who complained about her kids, about school, about her household chores, water problem and so on. That day when I came home, I felt vulnerable. “Oh My God!! I have so many problems in my life. My daughter doesn’t listen to me, I have to work so much, I get so tired and never get 7 hours of sleep” That’s what my mind was saying. So I made a decision to avoid talking to her. Negative activities drain out our energy that we should use for self care, kids, and important daily chores.
3. Mutual check: Both my daughter and me keep a check on each other’s yelling. Whenever I yell, my daughter response is “I’ll listen only if you’ll speak softly with me.” Whenever she yells or hits someone, I say “Remember we have a promise to talk politely and no hitting, no matter what happens.” These mutual checks serve as continuous reminders that work as an excellent tool to keep check on both of us.
4. Stop pleasing everyone: It took me 2 years to understand that no matter how much I do, I am never going to be good enough. So, I chose to get out of that struggle. Now I want to live for myself, and my kid. That’s it. Pleasing everyone is never going to give us happiness, and it leaves us too tired and exhausted to be present for our kids.
5. Pause: Even after keeping checks, we might feel the urge to scream. Those moments require a pause. I say to myself in these situations “There is no emergency”. In the beginning, nothing happened when I said this to myself. But gradually, I felt its power. I started seeing the whole situation from much calmer eyes. “Yes there is no emergency” my mind replied. We all can choose a statement that calms us down. Find one for yourself….
All of us are humans, and mistakes happen. That’s okay. I have changed so much in my journey of positive parenting, still I yell some times. Then, I sit quietly and find the reason. Tiredness/hunger/someone else’s frustration/negative activities/excess screen time – are the answers. I say sorry to my daughter, and then I move on with a commitment to try again, no matter how many times I make mistakes.
Disclaimer: I am not a parenting expert. I am a stay at home mom. My daughter has brought me to this journey of positive parenting. I love to read books on positive parenting. Whatever methods I share through my blogs are the ones that I have applied with my daughter and seen positive changes in our relationship.
I hope these methods give you a stronger mom-kid relationship. All the best to all the lovely moms!!
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